cleanse

just under a year ago, i did my first ever juice cleanse.  throughout the process, i sort of kept a diary/play by play of how the cleanse was going and i just came across it today.  i am anticipating a tropical trip soon(!) and was contemplating doing another cleanse to kick start a prep diet as i just ordered some bikinis...but after reading this, i think i may have to stick with the conclusion i came to last year.  read & see for yourself! xo,

k

Blue Print Cleanse, Take 1:

Pre-day 1: So, I decided to do a cleanse; partly due to curiosity, partly due to feeling like it is not okay to eat a whole pack of Velveeta cheese noodles in one sitting and partly because I want to see if I can do it. So here is the deal, I am to start this juice cleanse – Blueprintcleanse – on Thursday and for the following three days embark on an endless juice journey with me, myself and I. Leading up to this due date, I must Prepare! Prepare! Prepare! as it states on the enthusiastic email I have succumbed to. What could you possibly do to prepare for a juice cleanse you ask? See how much alcohol you can consume? Eat your “last meal” and pretend you are Julia Roberts leaving ‘no calorie behind’ in a make believe Rome? (*Please note this was written when Eat, Pray, Love was in full swing. NOT a very good movie, but i digress...)

Fail.

You are to eat only greens, veggies and fruits. For three days. Isn’t that already a cleanse in and of itself? Oh yea, Velveeta cheese noodles…oy.

SO – as I Prepare! Prepare! Pre…you get it, I am trying hard to stay away from any delicious chocolates, caffeine urges, and CHEESE. It is going to be difficult, but doable. Hitting the grocery store tonight to inspire my mind with spinach, asparagus and herbal tea. I like all of these things, but 3 days you say?

Pre-day 2: So I did really well last night. Made some brown rice, got some veggies in my system, a little bit of salmon – all good things. But right now, at this moment, I am having caffeine withdrawals. They started at 4pm and haven’t gone away. I just ate some raw nuts to try to ease the annoyance.

Let’s hope this gets better day by day.

The cleanse starts in less than 48 hours – a little anxious.

Pre-day 3:

Feeling full. I hope satisfaction of belly food baby lasts me three days!

Just kidding, I actually am really excited to start tomorrow. The girl told me I cannot chew gum  so my response was a question of whether I can eat ice. She looked at me funny and said that is bad for you. Duh, but I need to chew something!

The babies are nestling in the fridge right now getting their cool on. Me, I am just thinking about how I won't be consuming anything solid for the next 72 hours. But honestly, I like to think of myself as someone who sees the BIG picture and it is going to be absolutely fine.

If I get diverted or anything crazy starts to happen, here is my list of things to do/think about:

1. Money spent on this...aka don't waste it 2. Go for a walk 3. Or go for a shop 4. Organize my room or office space 5. Re-decorate my room 6. Read or sleep or watch tv 7. Watch the food channel and drool over Paula deans mac and cheese or whatever the hell she is making with four cups of butter 8. Try to steer clear of number 7 9. Start planning a trip somewhere for the fall 10. Shop again?

If needed, watch Food, Inc. Made me want to stop eating altogether the first time I saw it.

Here goes nothing folks...

Day 1 – Full on cleanse

Drink 1: Green-Juice.

10am - I knew I didn’t like the look of it…! IT tastes like celery and cucumber. But apparently there are some other greens floating around in this concoction. I may have to chug this thing to get it down. And plug my nose because it smells sorta pungent. It’s 9:20 now and I have taken five sips. Slowly, but surely…

Just finished. 1 hour later.

Burping up green juice.

Drink 2: P.A.M. (Pineapple – apple – mint)

12pm - Would be much better if spiked with vodka. But also, way better than the green so it is going down a bit better.

My belly is full though!

I just ordered my boss lunch, but I don’t really want it or crave it. I am in it to win it so the cravings are not bad right now. Mainly, my stomach is grumbling and feeling full.

Finishing up at 2:20. How am I supposed to drink number 3 in two hours and then 3 more before bedtime?

Drink 3: Green Juice AGAIN?! Feck.

4pm - 8-10 sips in: You know that part in Juno where she starts getting mad at Michael Cera because he asked the girl to prom and she says she gave her the stank eye? I may have a permanent stank eye face by the time I finish this drink. Drink no. 2 is seeming much better with each sip.

Half way through…should I chug?

Drink 4: Spicy lemonade

6pm - Sounds promising…

Best drink yet. Tastes like crystal light lemonade but so much better at this point in my day. It has a kick to it too because of the cayenne…hmmm.

Drink 5: C.A.B. (carrot, apple, beet)

8pm - Well well well, I thought green juice was my enemy. Then comes CAB. You know, if you tasted more like an apple, I would be okay with you. But you had to go all beet and carrot and veggie like on me. Shame on you. Shame.

Unable to finish fully so I toss out the last quarter. So what? Who cares? (shrug shoulders and impersonate Joy Behar, yeah?!)

Drink 6: Joy. I mean Cinnamon vanilla goodness.

10pm - Why can’t all juices taste like you? You bring goodness to my day. Thank you.

Day 2:

8am - Not gonna lie…feeling a little hungry. Better gulp down my veggie green elixir before I get tempted!

1: 42 - The drinks are going down easier today. Even “PAM” wasn’t so bad (note, this one is a favorite amongst many but I think it reminds me of pineapple juice from the can…). I have another Green juice coming up but it sorta scares me because I go a little crazy around the green and just start gulping to get it down.

Be. Care. Ful.

Also, it is Friday so I am debating what to do after work. Take a nap? Go shopping? I need to do something from my list but I just would rather devour some food. But…not really, because that is a mental thought. (take that as you like).

1:55 – Green juice. You and I will probably never be friends, but please can we at least be on good terms? So here is the thing, I do feel skinnier. I do feel energetic (surprisingly) and I do feel like I can do this.

Day 2 continued...

6:30 - woke up from nap STARVING. Want pizza want cheese want everything. Instead I drink spicy lenonade.

Conference call with jen and feel better immediately. We both are doing this cleanse and i highly recommend doing this with a friend. It's definitely nice to have a support system. Beware of boyfriends who want to convince you Mexican for dinner is a good idea.

8pm, beet juice I hate you but I feel like you and the green are trying harder to taste better. That or my taste buds are deteriorating.

10pm - ahhhhhhhhh insert image of angels flying in and the skies opening up to reveal a glorious milkshake. Number 6, marry me.

Day 3: so I feel as though the majority of my recap has been negative. So let me take a moment to focus on the positive. I feel really good this morning. It's my last day and I am pumped. My stomach is flat, my thighs feel thinner and even my skin has a nice little glow.

Now, I don't want to paint a picture of -180 degree turnaround from what I felt like monday post velveeta cheese take down BUT there is something to be said about a flatter stomach. Nothing makes a girl feel better than a flat tummy.

Juice one, my green guy, went down smooth.

Getting a Mani pedi right Now to treat myself and feeling good.

Special Sidenote: beware of mood swings.

And headaches.

Nearing end of day 3...

Watching the food channel now just to drool. I have my last juice left. It's crazy to me that I haven't eaten in the past three days. Makes you feel a little antisocial.

Conclusion: I prefer running.